Working through grief & a blessing came to me
The power of choosing positivity - especially when we don't feel like it
The last night I shared on Substack, I was in Florida for an unexpected trip to visit my grandmother. She had been put in home-hospice care and the family prepared for her earthly departure.
As I grieved for the loss of my country hometown, chronicled in my previous piece, I watched my grandmother transition and ultimately pass as I held her hand on a Sunday night. Losing my grandmother as the town becomes unrecognizable feels like some form of twisted and cruel irony.
The weeks that followed were tough. It’s difficult to make time for grief with a business to run, a child on the way, mourning family to support, and general problems to deal with.
Grief comes in waves, and sometimes I feel I am in control, surfing back to the shore of familiar lands. Other times I am caught in a tide being swept below the surface, fighting my way up to breathe as the water pulls me down.
Five weeks after her passing, I was managing. Despite the loss, I was feeling more myself than I had in the previous 12 months with true inspiration returning. I felt like making videos for the first time in a long time, and saw reward for it. After a long period stagnation on social media, I was reaching hundreds of thousands of people with my content and growing my following with engaged and interested users.
But still, I had my moments.
Six weeks after her passing, I found myself deeply frustrated for a combination of reasons; personal and professional alike. A darkness came over me, and I did not feel as though I had much joy to share with myself, my family, or my audience.
Despite the lack of joy, I have a light I feel compelled to share.
So, I’d started the habit of doing morning livestreams every weekday. Tuesday morning came and so did the time for my livestream.
“You don’t have to do it, not if you’re not up to it,” my wife reminded me.
I thought for a moment. “No, I need to do it. I don’t want to, but I can’t let my mood stop me from being consistent in our work.”
We proceeded with the live in our garden, and I let the power of the outdoors nourish my spirit. A little bird began flying around the pergola under which we streamed, chirping and chirping as if he had something to say.
I invited the bird to come to me and say hello, and after a little more fluttering around and chirping, he flew to my shoulder!
Over the next hour, this little bird perched on my hand, shoulder, head, and leg. The video above details the experience.
What made this baby bird decide to spend time with me on this morning of all mornings, when I needed the encouragement the most?
Both my wife and I thought of my grandmother, who loved animals and gardening, and wondered if it was her way of telling me to keep my head up.
Having this bird visit me elevated my mood and changed the trajectory of my week, and it only happened because I decided to go outside for my livestream when I did not want to. I decided I would do my best to share the light I had, and I was rewarded in a beautiful and cosmic way.
I’m reminded that we are more likely to experience blessings when we put ourselves in a position to receive them.
We can find light in the darkness. Have you had any experiences recently that reminded you to stay positive, even when you didn’t like it?
So beautiful. My family and I had a rough day and on the way home from the heartache of seeing my mom in a hospital, my brother sent me a text filled with gratitude for the way I've carried my family through hard times. An unexpected joy just when I needed it, carried in the back pocket of messed up circumstances. I needed it so badly.
And then I read this post. Thank you for sharing, I needed this too.